7 Day study on me [ first thoughts ]

Introduction Right so I’ve come to the conclusion that something needs to change in my life and I can desperately see that however what I can not see is exactly what needs changing. I thought maybe if I study myself, something like a case study maybe I can pin point where I’m going wrong. For a start I should not be up at this time on my computer writing a blog post I should be asleep but that is down to hypersomnia and various naps throughout the day! So many areas in my life need looking at in detail to understand why depression seems to be walking all over me. I have such high hopes to help others but how can I provide that kind of support and encouragement if I can’t barely look after and be kind to myself.

Right so for me to understand more about me I need to look into the health factors of my lifestyle such as health, family, friends, purpose, freedom, peace, self development, love, psychological needs and faith.

Health:

I’m not entirely sure where I am with my physical health as I’ve not been keeping up with regular doctors appointments. I’m not even sure I registered with a GP as just before I moved out my parents had a letter about my being out the catchment area. I know for a fact this is a good place to start if I want to take an overall look at physical health. I guess I avoid this for reasons of fear that something could be wrong.

SHORT term goal: book a GP Appointment LONG term Go for regular check overs around all areas of physical health every 6 months with nurse

  • Mental Health: this is one I’ve been tackling for as long as I can remember. I didn’t actually have mental health issues but would regular see the mental health service under CAMHS due to my Aspergers, yes I know its not visible. I’ve suffered with depression and anxiety since my teens and still do this was treated with Medication but I’ve decided that I’ll never truly know if I can cope without unless I try, So currently I’m without and I’m struggling to say the least.

SHORT term goal: Monitor you mental health with journal. LONG term goal: ‘‘Very reluctant to’’ but go see a professional.

  • Food is a big one most of my life my anxiety has played a big roll in this area. I know for a fact I don’t eat well at all I deprive myself of certain foods and I skip meals and sometime don’t eat at all due to lack of motivation or feeling not hungry and for other various reasons just few for example. Anxiety causes a feeling so similar to the feeling of being full it confuses me as to when I’ve legit eaten enough. I’m aware anxiety affects the appetite but I’m not exactly 100% aware for the reason why? Another reason is my O.C.D. I won’t eat certain things because my O.C.D. Makes out it is unhealthy and shouldn’t be eaten and I’ve completely cut out sugar and chocolate from my choice of food completely. I’ve come to realise O.C.D. is restricting my life in areas I did not even foresee before. I’ve even considered becoming vegan because off fear I’ll get ill from eating non organic food products. I’ve also realised that I actually am not aware of what I should be eating or how many calories a day etc

SHORT term goal: keep a food diary. LONG term goal: See a dietrician

  • Exercise: Considering I use to be very active person before being struck by Meningitis I find it incredibly difficult to accept I can’t do as much as I use to be able to. It one of the areas of my life that bothers me the most and frustrates me, upsets me, I feel like half the time I’m wasting my life away sleeping or napping because I’m just tired all the time. I really need to learn how to accept that I’m not a strong as I use to be physically and I can't keep trying to prove to myself otherwise because I’m just going round in a circle.

SHORT term goal: Look into using my Apple Watch more for this very reason to log my expediture of calories compared to what I’m eating. LONG term find away to accept the truth that I might not be able to do as much.

Family:

I feel guilty for the amount I avoid my family, I never want apart of social interactions and I can’t write pin point if this is to with my hearing loss or before that and is just apart of my Aspergers trails that tend to forget entirely about. It’d difficult because I love my family but It’s difficult as I feel they don’t truly understand the impact hearing loss has had on me similar to my friends how can they unless they’ve been through it themselves. I get very frustrated and stressed and would much rather just avoid having to face those feelings but I’m loosing so much precious time with them because of it.

SHORT term goal: LONG term goal:

Friends:

I’ve always struggled with friends they come they go and I feel the reason they go is because of me and I'll be honest I know its because of me for the fact I push people away to the point where they can’t do anything to change my mind. It all one way with me I’m aware of this now my friends have to ask me, there always the ones to make the effort and as for me I won't out of fear of rejection. Hearing loss again comes into this I like to think my friends are deaf aware but in there not they try and that is what counts but its so frustrating pretending everything is okay. I wish I was a little more open and just said what I think and how It could be resolved again the same goes for my family but I just don’t know how.

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Purpose:

I honestly, right now at this moment in time don’t feel like I have a purpose I don’t foresee it. I don’t know either how to acknowledge this aspect just yet either. I feel like I need to change some if the above aspects first before tacking this one.

SHORT term goal: LONG term goal:

Peace:

I never feel peaceful. No wait that is incorrect I think I’ve more so forgotten what it feels like to be at peace. I think allot of us have with the rush that now comes with modern lifestyle. How exactly can you remember what if feels like to be peace with yourself and existence. Maybe spirituality comes in here somewhere.

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Self Development:

Where do I start here… I’ve defiantly come along way from where I was at the start. Still a long way to go but that is the whole idea of this study to identify those key points that need changing. I’m becoming more and more self aware and I feel this is what gives me that ability to get back up when I get knocked down by the pressures of life.

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Love:

another feeling that I don’t understand what it feels like to feel loved. One of the hardest of feeling to understand, more so why we feel or give love. I wouldn't say I feel loved but I know my family loves me unconditoinally. I don’t have a boyfriend so that part of my life currently is non existent, maybe for good reason. Need to learn to love myself. I feel love from my pets and love them, though most of the time its seems its just about FOOD

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phsychological needs:

I have access to food but deprive myself of it. Water I don’t drink enough off that’s for sure. Sleep very important I over sleep and have programmed my self to sleep for long periods of time and this needs to be changed most defiantly I need a better coping mechanism than sleep to deal with hardships. Oxygen I would hope I have enough off, I don’t really know how I’d be writing this without it.

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Faith;

I don’t have a faith nor do I believe in anything other than we live we die, the sad truth. Before we was just like any other animal until we took over the planet and needed bigger purpose. My faith is within me, I’m the element of faith In my eyes as for you are the element in yours. You made it to today and today is hard to get to but you done it. I did it and that makes me feel empowered and happy. Nothing gets you to this point accept YOU!

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’ll be adding more goals to this post when and as I tackle each aspect

I found these key aspects of living from another website so credit goes to careeradict for these key points.