Independence

Idependence such an individual world to its self. Something people long for to feel able to do and accomplish things by then selves with out the help and support from others. I’ve been so occupied in my own little world blocking people out and pushing them away and avoiding situations where I need help and support. I’m so protective of what I have left of my independence that I won’t allow others in. Say for the situation now I’m laying in my bedroom covered head to toe in white paint, why have I stopped painting because I realised something I thought I should write about. So here I am writing about my emotions and more importantly what I’m feeling in the current momment. I feel alone I’m hurting, I know why but I can’t put it into words just yet. Back to independence, independence is just another factor of alone. It’s good and bad depending on just how much you seek. To be independent you have to be alone to do it. I’ve chosen a path of protecting my independence yet I’ve jeopardised something else at the same time, to allow others in to support me. I could phone a friend to help me finnish of the decorating after all 2 pairs of hands are better than 1 but I want to do it alone I don’t want to allow someone else to take away my independence and that might be the reason I don’t allow people to get too close to me. I guess I better get back to the painting after all it’s not going to do it’s self.